October 2020 | Clutter & Chaos.

It’s been a while since I took the time to fill the compartments in my mind. I used to do it all the time. Have these boxes where I would put my thoughts. Write them down on sticky notes or a notebook or a post. Have everything in order.

Everything under the right box. Mind decluttered. Life like a well oiled machine with time frames and deadlines.

Recently however, I’ve just let my thoughts pile up. Stacks and stacks of paperwork outside my mind boxes - ALL over the floor, pinned up on the walls in no particular order. Chaotic. Cluttered mind. Life with no deadlines.

I’ve not had much to do. What with no job and no university at the moment… I’m just existing until the next stressful thing comes around so I can FEEL something again.

Why is it so hard for us to just take time off? Why is it so hard to shut down for a bit?

I realize that if I am not stressed, I am not complete. If I’m not overthinking or on overdrive, then I feel absolutely useless. If I don’t feel stress, its like I feel nothing at all.

I cannot be the only one who drifts through life with worry, panic and stress.

So to all of you who are asking yourselves “ why does life feel okay right now? Something stressful is going to happen right? Like soon?“, I want to tell you to step back. Let there be clutter for a bit. Breathe. Let your thoughts run wild and free for a while. Allow yourself to feel nothing at all because after nothing, there is peace.

Take time out to tell yourself that you can feel even without having to stress about something or the other.

Striving for a stress free October.

Love love,
Shradha Dinesh